Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
