I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
