Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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