she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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