I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
