and you said cock pushups were impossible
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
