It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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