apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
