I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
