Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
