Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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