Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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