Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
