I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
