U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
