Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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