Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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