tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
