You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize