I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
