I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
