yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
