Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
