bring money and cleavage
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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