I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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