I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
