Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
