Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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