i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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