when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
