How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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