Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
