best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
