so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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