I looked at my own cervix.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
my liver is dry heaving
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
