i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We smell like vodka and hangover
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