Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
