We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
