I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
