Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
