you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
