Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
