Rock
Scissors
Fuck
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
