Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
