id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
