At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I could make wine with my vomit
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
