so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
