Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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