Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
