He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
