No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
