this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
