worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
