Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
