Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
