i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
