walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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