I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
