Do you still have your period?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
