Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
