i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
