This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize