theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
