we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
