plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
