You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
