Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Randomize
